Well... things are changing

school's almost out... just 2 more exams... the hard ones

you listen to weird music now... bands which are virtually unknown [to me at least]. does that make you feel cool? I've never really understood the whole indie thing... I mean, I can see why someone might think it'a cool, but on the other hand... I am a musician... quite a talented one, to be honest... and so I know that those bands are indie for one of only 2 reasons... either they refuse to sign with a major label because they dont want to alienate their fanbase or think that they would lose their "cool factor"... or, more likely than not, that they really just aren't that good [surprising how many bands just aren't good at all] and so no major labels want to sign them.

I think I can deal with a tattoo... just not 2"... that's a wee bit too large [I'm also opposed to the kanji... I think it would look silly... and I think you would look back on that and regret it one day]... also... I think I've reconciled myself with that other ear piercing... I don't think I'll ever know why you want the tat though. I absolutely can't deal with a lip ring, however... they totally gross me out. They also look pretty stupid. The best explanation you've given me was that everyone you've known who had a lip ring was really cool... but it wasn't the peircing that made them cool darling... and you know... I always thought you wanted to nonconform... then again... everyone who ever tries that only ends up adhering more strictly to someone elses beliefs.

You've been crazier lately too... in some ways things remind me more of freshman year... you were really crazy then too... what is it now? the stress? worries? emotional exhaustion? depression?

I still get sad every time I go on your page and see where you removed the link to mine.

Before too long I'll be leaving for HOBY... I'm really going to miss you... but it's going to be so much worse for Summer Ventures. It'll be like like last summer all over again...that nearly drove me crazy... at least this on is slightly shorter... only 4 weeks

we need to sign each other's yearbooks :)      On the one hand it does seem kind of pointless since we get to talk all the time... but still- you always write something crazy... I'd hate to miss the opportunity

glassblowing... I totally support you on this one... but I have no idea where you could learn that... I am not aware of any local glassblowers. I think there are some up in the mountains where there are lots of crafty people who do things like that... probably in Asheville. I am also curious as to what brought on this sudden revelation that this is something you wish to do... also... I don't think you should do that as a career... but I can totally see you doing it as a hobby.

I don't know exactly what inspired what you said this morning... but in my mind I linked it with my exasperation with your determination to wear Patrick's keys on your beltloop... I guess I ought to explain this one since apparently you don't understand it. Generally, a person (usually a girl) wears an article belonging to another as a sign of belonging... a sort of marking of oneself as the other's "territory"... you see this all the time with girls wearing guys jackets and also with their class rings... typically worn on a chain around the neck since they are too large. To make the obvious point... these people are typically COUPLES... that is why you taking Pat's keys is frustrating... also because that sort of behavior is generally regarded as flirtatious... but of course, I have already discussed that with you.

Same thing with the drawing all over guys with sharpies and stuff... it's just really bothersome

Also... referring to your guy friends as 'hot guys' really isn't helping... it's actually pretty hurtful... if you wonder why I get so bothered by your guy friends... it's because of this kind of thing. I don't trust them... and most people would regard at least some of your behavior inappropriate. I really do trust you... and I understand that for the most part your motives aren't what a lot of people would assume them to be... but still. I can't deny that the ones you were referring to as 'hot guys' are the same ones you are drawing on and 'stealing' things from... I keep hoping you'll take my feelings into consideration before you do things like this... at least think about how it looks from a perspective other than your own... or perhaps ask yourself why these guys are engaging in shenanigans with you

Side note: I saw Mr. Thomas today at my gym... he was swimming, of all things.

Another side note: today at practice Jake the sex-offender's hand ended up on my inner thigh somehow... and he wasn't even in my lane. It was while we were swimming. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or not, otherwise I would have punched him so hard they'd hafta feed him through a tube.

Since there's supposed to be a new year-round team starting at the new aquatics center there has been a lot of secret discussion amongst the swimmers and swim parents about transferring from the Sharks to the new team... but most of all we want to get away from Jake... he's gotten worse these days... he doesn't sexually assualt people like he used to, but now he really goes out of his way to annoy everybody. It would also be nice to have a decent coach for a change.

I'm hoping that after exams we'll get some seriously legit hang-out time in... but I still don't particularly want to take a car out on any country raods... not after the wreck... not sure how things are going to work out then...

My uncle is in pretty bad shape

Also... you worry me with this anti-religion kick you've gone on... I'm not so worried about your immortal soul as I am how this could form a rift between us in the future. I worry because it seems like being anti-religious is the popular thing these days... so many kids our age our going that route... and it's true enough that we haven't really seen that much to make us be in support of religion... I understand you seriously oppose the church, and I support you in that... but your explanations in regards to everyting else have been very vague... saying you dislike religion is different than saying you dislike the church... and I don't know what you mean when you say it. We live in a world at war... terrible things happen every day... I know losing your best friend was a terrible blow to you, and perhaps your ability to have faith as well... and it isn't as if you get exposed to religion all the time either... I figure being split between the two high churches is probably something of a strain as well considering both of their doctrines are somewhat ridiculous

I'm also curious about your political ideals now... I've told you that initially I was opposed to Obama because I didn't agree with what he was saying... well I decided to give him a chance when he got into office... it wasn't like I had much of a choice... he was going to be president anyway, right? Well at first it seemed like he was going to do a great job... I agreed with a number of the things he did at the start... but as time went on he began to lose my faith. I feel like he's doing a lousy job at representing our country on an international level. He's already raised taxes... It's a number of things... maybe he'll turn it around... but I doubt it at this point. Yet you still seem to support him wholeheartedly, from what I have gleaned from our discussions. You seemed to feel, last time we talked about it, that he hadn't had sufficient time to display his abilities... I disagreed strongly... because in my mind several months is enough time to demonstrate your abilities as a leader, and his are not much to my taste... I've even wondered at times if the only reason you supported him was because Dawson does... also... Kendra is under the impression that you are a Democrat... I would like clarification. [it doesn't bother me... but last time this was discussed, which was ages ago, you described yourself as being more conservative... so now I am slightly confused]

Today in Orr's class... good gracious. My team lost the debate, which I think is bogus, as most of the opposing team's points were irrelevant to the topic of debate... and also I think Orr showed some bias in concern to certain members of the debate teams. My team was also arguing the more difficult side of the debate... and of course, the entire thing was completely ridiculous, considering it was a debate on the ethicality of fighting pokemon.

We've both been through a lot lately... don't give up baby... I know we can stick it out

and now mi madre is booting me... so I must go. I hope you enjoyed this. I know that you like my words in general.. and I spent a long time writing this. It was for you

<3

ta

I forgot to mention that yesterday was the first time I picked up my cello and played it in a long time as well

haven't been swimming much recently

"As I type in www.xa... the first thing that comes up is yours."... thanks <3

I wish I could still see your myspace

strange dreams last night... The one I remember most vividly is of me shaving myself with a straightrazor... weird

and I have a vague impression of being told I have a molar coming in... which probably has something to do with the fact that I have a dentist appointment today at 3

That's all I have for now

ta

And she used to have a link to my xanga on her site

Today was indescribably lonely

got new flip flops to replace my old rainbows where the leather was worn through

Watched CSI, which made me feel even moe lonely in the empty house

thought about how money really doesn't make people happy

ate way too many jelly beans

and accomplished nothing

I miss that girl

It's been awhile... The new semester's been terrible so far... loads of homework... I don't particularly like my classes. My relationship has been rough. I suppose it happens. We can handle it... it certainly isn't fun... but it can be endured until times get easier.

In other news, work on this years high school musical is well under way. We did Into The Woods freshman year, Les Miserables last year, and this year it's Evita... I don't like this one nearly as much as I liked the old ones. It was apparently written by Andrew Lloyd Webber... well known for The Phantom of the Opera... but I personally think this one is an epic fail on his part.

All the stress put me in the mood for a fresh start... So I deleted all of my old xanga entries... completely wiped the slate clean... my wall on facebook met a similar fate.

Reading The Grapes of Wrath by Steinbeck. I've written more essays that I ever care to think about in the past few weeks. Got a cute little lover, who unfortunately was hurt. There was no way that could happen though... and she knew it. She's moved on now. She turned out to be an awesome person and a really great friend. I find it regrettable that things unfoldegd the way they did

A few more random things...

I have applied to return to the HOBY Youth Leadership Seminar [that thing I went to last summer before I went to Governor's School] as a Juior Staff Team Member... *woot!

Also... I was accepted to my high school's leadership retreat for the third year in a row... but was not picked to be a counsellor once again... I don't understand... a number of the other ORIGINAL counsellors were selected to serve again as counsellors...

Notification of acceptance to Governor's School is mailed in exactly one month. This affects several of my friends... but most importantly, it affects Ariel. If she gets in [and I'm confident she will. She is without a doubt the best candidate in our county] that means a further 6 weeks apart this upcoming summer...

I have applied again to Summer Ventures. I was accepted last year but couldn't go because it overlapped with Governor's School. It lasts for four weeks. Getting accepted means there is a possibility that I will not be around to see Ariel during the few days off she will get in the middle of Governor's School when she will come home. It means there is potential that I will also miss the Governor's School alumni day... that's when all the old Governor's School kids from the previous year come back and get to see each other again... it's our only real reunion. I'll be crushed if I miss it.

That's all I have at the moment

ta